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  • Writer's pictureGary Gruber

Duzrd Doors (Jim Uses Them)

Updated: Apr 14, 2023

Most of my nightmares are so vicious, so despicable, and so patently evil that they would make “Nightmare on Elm Street” look like a Disney production for young children -- although given the fare that passes for children's entertainment these days, I'm not so sure how far from the truth that would be.

This one was far more benign but had several common elements that I see woven in my dreams over and over again. I can even pinpoint moments throughout the day that contributed to some of the elements of this wild ride.

The most common feature in this adventure revolved around the very ordinary notion that I have a hard time remembering people's names. At our high school reunions, everyone seemed to remember me, even 50 years after the fact. However, I had to look at many name tags to associate the person with the student I knew so long ago.

Another frequent theme was reentering a building yet being unable to either find the door -- or open it. The dream started amiably enough with me having a conversation with someone who was obviously a good friend. Later on, I had the need to return to the same building but could not find my way in. As I circumnavigated the structure I came to door after door that was off its hinges, making them almost impossible to open.

Again, what we have here is the relation to an event that occurred around 1973 when Phyllis and I we're at Madison Square Garden for a rock'n'roll concert. Instead of leaving normally through the exits that everyone else was walking towards, I convinced her to go through a fire door so that we could exit the building more quickly. Although we did indeed have some refreshments prior to the concert that evening, we seemed to be of sound mind and body as we worked our way down the flights of stairs. What unhinged us though was the fact that the doors became smaller and smaller on each subsequent floor until we reached the basement -- and the door was no more than three feet by three feet square and unbridgeable.

Frantic, we ran back up the stairs to the floor we were originally on only to find that we were locked out -- the door only opened from the inside. Sweating profusely now I began to pound on the door hoping that someone would hear us and save our frantic lives that seemed to be fading away quite quickly. After a good five minutes of hammering the door with both fists, someone opened it -- and we were saved. An event like this gets pushed back far into your brain but never goes away and probably was the impetus for this portion of the dream.

I finally found the strength to push aside one of the unhinged wooden doors in the building and walked through what seemed like an endless array of construction material until I reached the lobby. There was a young lady behind the desk, and she asked me who I was looking for. This is when I realized I had forgotten my good friend's name and started to stammer and stutter, hopelessly befuddled and unable to come up with the right name.

Finally, she said “You must be looking for Jim, right?” At that very moment Jim walked out of his office and smiled at me. I felt a little foolish, but nonetheless I was back in familiar company, so I asked him what became of all of the doors outside the building.

He told me they were being replaced with Duzrd Doors (pronounced ‘dew-zerd’). He showed me an animation of the doors and informed me that their purpose was to prevent unauthorized access. The video showed a door that opened similar to the iris in our eye. It was a mechanical marvel and rotated circularly in a clockwise fashion until it was large enough for a person to step through; and when it was closed it moved counterclockwise until it was no bigger than your fist. I have seen this type of apparition in many 1950s science fiction movies.

This one however, had special machinery attached. Earlier that day I had watched a YouTube video by someone who builds gaming computers. These are very high-end machines that use water instead of air to cool them because they operate at such high temperatures. The right angle joints inside the computer we're duplicated perfectly in the Duzrd Doors. It's as if nearly every component of the dream had a direct relationship to something I had experienced that day.

Thankfully, they did not have other elements of some of my more graphic nightmares where I am being assaulted by maniacs and every time I fired my gun at the bad guys, the bullets just hit them and bounced off.

Phyllis woke up before me that morning, and as I stumbled into the kitchen even before I had my first cup of coffee, I related the dream to her and in short order both of us were lying on the floor rolling around in hysterical laughter, our eyes fully teared up from chuckling so hard. She thought we should go to the local hardware store and ask which aisle these doors could be found on -- because Jim uses them.

while I am not above a good-hearted prank in public, I knew I would be unable to keep a straight face throughout this ruse. If I am ever able to pull off this stunt and ask a salesman at Home Depot where the Duzrd Doors are stored, I’ll fill you in. If you are so inclined to try this out yourself, just remember to tell them: “Jim uses them…”

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